Taylor Elizabeth – Emotional Intelligence and Etiquette Coach
As a working mother who often travels internationally, I feel the swift passage of time as the moments I miss with my daughter multiply. This introspection parts to reveal the realisation of how precious every minute with her truly is. And, as I navigate this realisation, I begin to reflect on my parenting and wonder: what matters more — the quantity or the quality of time I spend with her?
As a professional Emotional Intelligence Coach with a certification in Positive Psychology, I have been constantly seeking ways to be a more conscious parent. My exploration of this value has brought me to discover an interesting strategy in child psychology and parenting: focusing on making the most out of three key 3-minute periods every day, to enhance your time with a loved one.
This 9-Minute Principle comprises three set times when you will intentionally engage with your child: the first being the three minutes when your child wakes up, the second is when you or your child comes home, and the third is before your child goes to sleep.
What makes this concept so intriguing is that these intervals are already when parents typically engage with their children; so, being intentional in these moments is a simple practice that enhances and strengthens your emotional connection. All it requires is a shift in mindset and a newfound dedication to making that effort.
By dedicating just nine minutes each day, you’ll not only forge deeper connections with your child but also instil within them a profound sense of security that they carry with them into their daily life.
The First Three Minutes: Brighten their Morning
Kick-start your child’s day with a burst of positivity, much like the morning sun lighting up the sky. Greet them with a cheerful “Good morning, my dear!” and show your interest in their life by asking questions such as “What are you most excited about today?” Accompanying your words with a warm hug or a playful gesture is a nice way to ground them in your adoration for them. This simple morning ritual plants seeds of happiness and sets the tone that will give them confidence throughout their day.
The Second Three Minutes: Reconnect After a Time Apart
When you or your child walks in through the door, drop everything else and give them your full attention for just three minutes. Express your gratitude for being back together and inquire in a way that is engaging for them. Instead of the old ‘How was your day?’, ask your children about moments that made them feel good or things they saw. You can ask them what was funny or surprising, to show that you are genuinely interested in their world. I have been so surprised at how eagerly my child opens up when I shift the type of questions I ask.
The Last Three Minutes: End the Day on a High Note
Those last three minutes before they drift off to sleep are precious. It’s the perfect time to calm down together and settle from the day. Whether you read a favourite story, sing lullabies, breathe or pray together, use this time to intentionally engage in positive, supportive interactions. These moments imprint on the subconscious, influencing mood and emotional resilience by fostering a sense of security and well-being. Then, tuck them in so they are comfortable in their beds as a symbolic gesture of how you have intentionally surrounded them with positivity, love and security throughout the day. This simple act will reassure them that no matter what, they have you.
As a parent who travels for work, I have found that these moments can even be curated even from a distance. Although we may not be physically able to connect with our children, we can still make the effort through a quick telephone call, a message to their phones, or a video chat at night.
By incorporating this 9-minute principle, I have not only been able to deepen my connection with my daughter, but it has also transformed my mindset and how I approach each day as a parent. I work with clients from many different industries and with demanding schedules, and I remind them that it is not only about the time you spend together with your children but also about developing your mindset towards enhancing the quality of the minutes you have together.
